Hearing the Call for the first Time

The year was 2003. It was Novemeber and the winter months were coming. I was employed as a music therapist and teaching an adult music making program through a local piano and organ store. I was enjoying my occupation, however, I always realized a level of discontentment. As a child I wanted to be a doctor or veterinarian. I can remember being told "Oh that's so much school!" and "It would take forever" and "Oh the expense" It felt impossible and the financial mountain seeminly unsurpassable. I was very talented with music. It flowed easily irregardless of instrument. I studies guitar, piano, organ, clarinet, bassoon, and voice, acceling in all areas. It was outlet to shed my pain, express my joy, and hide within to become someone else for awhile. After high school it was natural for me to persue music and went to the University of Iowa to study music with voice as my principal instrument. Yet, I always felt I was "falling back" on my talents. Things progressed in college. I knew I was following the wrong path, but couldn't bear to acknowledge and start over. I'll never forget the night a friend came to visit for dinner. I attended high school with her and she was majoring in nursing. We were in our last year at Iowa and getting ready to graduate. She was recounting her experience with toe tagging some cadavers and recoiling about it. I on the other hand though, "Wow, fabulous, I should have been a nurse." We all graduated and went our ways. I began an internsip in music therapy working oncology and hospice at a hospital in Minnesota. I spend every day wishing I was experiencing it all from the nursing side and not the music therapy side. Don't get me wrong. I was good. I cared about my patients and the treatments they received from me. But I was longing for something more. Upon completing my internship in Minnesota I relocated out of state and began working in social work within long term care. At one point I was working in an institution and the head physcian offered to help me get into Des Moines College of Osteopathy. He thought I'd make a grat physcian. I contemplated going - but came up with hundred of excuses on how it was impossible and too expensive. After transitioning out of long term care I entered back into the world of music as a music therapist. I was teaching eger and enthusiastic seasoned adults. It was good. I was happy to be able to fullfill a piece of their dreams to make music. But I still longed for something more. My husband and I began thinking about children and I had a chat with our secretary one afternoon. She casually asked me; "Are you going to use a midwife or an OB?" I replied; "A mid-what?" and shrugged her off. A few weeks later she handed me a newspaper clipping. There was to be a book signing at Barnes and Noble. A women named Catherine Taylor wrote and released a new book titled Giving Birth: A journey into mothers and midwives. Isabelle encourged me to read it. I always considered myslef open minded, and I had a terrible hospital experience with my gallbladder. I knew I wanted a medicine free pregnancy and birth, so I figured; "why not!" Unfortunately, I could not make the signing. So I called the number on the newspaper clipping and the journey began.

The phone rang and as I expected a Barnes and Noble greeting, I was stamied when a woman answered the phone; "Catherine Taylor." Is was her, the author. I called a direct number! I asked her about her book and midwifery and she was amazing. It was like we had met before. She encouraged me to read something, if not her book, then some other midwifery book and she rattled off a few titled. I scribbled them down and my list began. I am a list maker. I did purchase her book and as I sat and read it I cried because I knew this was the calling I had missed. If only I had been a nurse this could all come to life. I sat there confused. "Who am I?" I thought. I'd never had a baby, I'd never paid any attention to pregnancy or birth. Yet there was this deep urge I could no longer deny. I had never felt a pull this strong, and I realized, this is what I am suppossed to do.